Here are facts for you
"Cold Case" is a good premise for a show.

We laugh now
But y'all are going to feel pretty fuckin' stupid when she dies from an overdose next month, and God's mighty hand extends down from the heavens to lift her out of that Ramada bathroom, cradling her gently and plucking a little tiara atop her disheveled head of hair. The Almighty Father's massive finger…

The only answer is to create a bigger, more deadlier language than theirs. A Doomsday language.

I saw him and the Jicks play the Siren festival in Brooklyn last year. Honestly? It's hard to enjoy a live performance when the frontman comes off as a miserable bore. He came off as a son of bitch to the crowd and his bandmates. And after reading how he acted during the final Pavement tour, I kinda feel bad for…

Yeah, but did you see the fist drummer's hair?

Things I should really not say on a Manhattan subway:
"Opening September 11th? Well, at least it will only be the second worst thing to ever happen that day."

We never really did get to enjoy the dinner and dancing at Taco Bell.

Yeah yeah, bitch bitch bitch. I know that. Still, you'd think it would be one of those catch phrases that the whole office would wind up adopting. Unless Rabin just wanders around the office all day, thick sweat beading down his brow as he clutches a scattered pile of his manuscripts to his chest defensively and…

Everybody freak the fuck out.
For once, news of this caliber of absurdity has not been met with "Cautious optimism." This bodes ill.

Actually, from personal experience I'd say the most accessible point of entry for Destroyer is the album Streethawk: A Serenade. Every track is a killer.

Man, don't lump me in with that guy. My schtick is patently jovial and insincere.

No! That is inappropriate!

When the race war begins, chances are pretty good I'll be first against the wall.

I still don't understand why we're supposed to care about Felicia Day. I've tried to sit through episodes of The Guild, and honestly it's unwatchable. But she's hot, so I guess that makes up for the lack of anything actually entertaining?

Because this shit costs money!

This conversation right here is exactly the reason why I hate white people.

Speaking of lousy moms, is it just me or does the gigantic female hand on the poster appear to belong to Sarah Palin?

Also, I think I'm gonna need some salve for my intense suffering from that mega-burn.

Okay, I read that because it was about me. God knows my ego loves stroking. Well played, Lady.

DELINEATE…