Why should you be surprised that he doesn’t use protection? The guy has never played defense once in his life. /deadspin’ed

This guy!!!!

Look at this dapper gentleman!

Yeah. I want to say to her “Are you really THAT desperate to get married?” I mean, sadly, some people are. They’d rather be with a piece of shit than be alone.

Whoa, back up, what is aggressively white?

His fiancee had this to say: “When men get to a certain age, they realize that it’s important to meet a life partner that they connect with,” she says. “Looks fade.”

He just has a pile of money where those are supposed to be.

Maybe we should start a kickstarter to buy him a belt.

Right? “Find all Caylas and destroy them.” That, historically, is one way Germans have solved perceived problems.

dating in New York as a 30-something executive in private equity

I legit guffawed at the use of the word “full” vis-a-vis his photograph.

this is how I imagine Siri would look like.

Good for Germany; if only the US still had vibrant consumer watchdog agencies.

They don’t actually lose money to them; the scalper paid the asking price. If Nintendo was going to sell 10,000 systems for $100 each, they make $1,000,000 regardless of whether they were re-sold or not.

Right? What did Spicy think Hitler did, import Jews from other countries then kill them?

I caught this, but I also caught something else:

Thanks to Mel Brooks, at least we don’t have to wonder what the recruitment process for the extra border patrol agents will look like.

And god forbid we have clean air and water.