Eyelashes courtesy of the notions department at JoAnn Fabrics.

My gut instinct at seeing that headline is Kim would never risk messing up her nose job like that.

i am apologizing to that poster, because i didnt mean to offend them, that was definitely not my intent.

I do not believe this for a minute. Sorry, Vicky, but that’s not how surgery works. OR’s are scrubbed between surgeries and any and all equipment from a previous one would be long gone before the next one starts. Not possible.

If I had to come home to this sourpuss every day, I’d do more than coke.

I feel like “feces infected scalpel” is way more specific than a hospital is going to get with a person after a case of medical malpractice/infection you get at a hospital.

I feel like the fact that there is a person known nationally as “hot convict” should be included as an early predictor of Trump winning the 2016 election in future textbooks.

I don’t think it ever occurred to journalists to just ask one of the Trump’s for proof of collusion. In retrospect that feels nearsighted?

He must go by the Mac from Sunny in Philadelphia approach to body building.

fellow Minnesotan?! Bring it in for a brief and weird hug!!!!

I’m sure people are lining up to buy him drinks right now.

JOKE’S ON YOU LIBTARDS, HE DID IT TO MAKE A #FAKENEWS REPORTER QUESTION HIS OWN SENSE OF REALITY

I COMPLETELY agree.

It sounds completely made up for the sake of his article. People with HS educations are intimidated by “soppresatta”? Tha fuck?

He’s making a perfectly cromulent point in the rest of the column, but I didn’t absorb any of it because that one trainwreck paragraph had me curled in a ball under my desk.

Suggesting an alternative place to eat for somebody who isn’t comfortable isn’t weird. Assuming they aren’t comfortable because they aren’t as educated as you and telling that to the country is weird.

Last seen image of David Brooks:

Calling it- Joanna definitely wrote this takedown.

God, David Brooks really is the worst.