People are being flip in response to this but all I wanted to do is hug you, try your hard to make dish, and copiously compliment you on it. May your holidays forever more be merry and bright.

I feel you. I spent multiple New Year’s Eves in my early 20s drinking and puking by myself.

Behold hand-crafted teacups, and copper mugs filled with hot mulled wine,

Your mother is a GORRAM SAINT.

okay but i finally learned how to fold a fitted sheet and that was a proud moment

I was kind of board with the closet liberal theory, but now I'm thinking he may be an ISIS recruiting tool

The NRA and the gun companies are winning, actually. They got people convinced Obama was gonna ban firearms - which he never really considered, ever.

Now they’re trying to convince you that you need their weapons to protect you from the weapons they produced. Basically, they’re playing the arms dealer middleman,…

There shouldn’t be an apostrophe, you fucking imbecile.

I love this post.

Oh this is something racists say when they mean the dialogue should be framed around the idea that blacks are naturally violent and inferior to whites or somesuch, and dammit why can’t they just say that without being attacked JEEZ?

We are in a weird period of US history indeed. For 239 years, white people have had the market cornered on wealth, representation, lobbying, law enforcement, job placement, demographics, media (need I go on?).

No, that’s segregation. Seriously, these people are being ironically bigoted.

Is there a reason why a fan is being called an “air circulator” now?

Mine too, although that's usually because it has been stolen by a cat.

Yom Kippur-Coachella. Think about it. We could make a killing.

Even better...Ramadan Bonnaroo. We could call it....Ramadannaroo.

I love them both. Also #cockroachesandcher made me burst out laughing in public.

I love scallops. All scallops. Scalloped hems. Diver Scallops. Scalloped Potatoes. All the scallops.

Oh God, who would be his running mate? Satan? AT&T Customer Service?

So tempting to respond, “well, ma’am, tomatoes are fruits so little junior should be a-ok.”