We live in an era where the physical statistics of Nintendo characters can be determined using Luigi’s flaccid dingdong as a canon unit of measurement.

Look, I know the world is crazy right now and there’s a lot of bad shit out there?

But come on. This is clearly the greatest timeline.

It’s never really gonna sink in with him that he doesn’t get to just say things and then they happen, is it?

I’ve seen chihuahuas learn more quickly.

I mean, it’s Overwatch. There’s already a few human lifetimes worth of porn of it.

I’m surprised Blizz didn’t try to make her somewhat less porn-able, but given that it hasn’t stopped people from making porn of, like, Zenyata and Bastion and (*shudder*) Orisa and (sigh) Winston, I guess maybe they were like “Well,…

The Googling-Stuff-Is-A-Life-Skill thing is real, though.

I had a freelance gig at an office in north Texas. It only lasted three weeks but they paid for a hotel for me to stay in and it had other perks so even though the work was pretty boring I was like “Sure what the hell.”

Super nice people to work with. Also holy…

Story Time!

I know a lot of people who used to work there. The story’s already more or less been broken regarding how tumultuous it got but I think the published versions don’t even tell the half of it.

It was “Alcoholism: The Company” to work for for a while.

You know it’s bad when your HR department has to send out a…

And this is why so many people believed the Gorilla Channel thing.

President Wario honestly seems like the kind of guy who’d not only readily, unquestioningly believe there is a television channel devoted entirely to gorillas fighting each other who could also hear him whisper encouragement at them through the screen,…

Every time I see that picture I laugh out loud.

Look at those fucking clowns. Look at them. That shit is hysterical. These guys are to “intimidating” what Trump is to “intelligent”; the only person who’s ever going to think that about them is themselves.

My favorite is the one with his little Captain America shield and…

Couple things.

One, Ancient Greeks had the earth pegged as round. Homer had it as a flat disc, Pythagoras claimed sphere. Both predate the bible. Moreover, Mesopotamian creation myth also has flat disc in it, and that’s from even further back. You can search for the Wikipedia links yourself and go into the references…

This is one of those movies where you’re either on board with it or not, and it makes nothing even resembling any concessions to the “not” crowd, which was clearly intentional.

As Bad Hot Take-y as that sounds though, I mean it like this: This means being on board with what it actually is (which is a movie version of…

I think part of it is how abruptly it came into prominence.

My folks had me while they were reasonably young, very early 20s. Anime was not a thing for their generation, at all.

I remember waking up at 6AM to watch the anime of Dragon Warrior in the early 90s. Which is still awesome.

People like this terrify me.

tl;dr If you constantly need someone else in your life all the time no matter what, you’re probably really stupid, at based on empirical evidence in my life so far, and I kind of automatically hate you.

Long story: I have two childhood friends who are now Facebook friends (and only…

You’re right, Viscant. Leaving my mistake ‘cause I made it, but! Man, that was some shit.

LTG is not a small man. Viscant...Is. But holy hell, that man was fearless, and he administered the kind of absolute beatdown you read you about for years. I think, at the end of it all, even LTG had no choice but to respect him…

He got a lot of shit for it just from other players on Twitter. Dude got dragged pretty hard; it’s died down a bit (this was in June of last year and he hasn’t said anything close since) but I still see him get called a piece of shit on every single stream he’s in, the community definitely has not forgotten. He…

OWL’s players need to have the same kind of Come-To-Jesus moment that the FGC had back when Evo was getting legit huge.

And it’s not like the FGC is flawless in this record, by a long shot. Chris G is still catching shit for his racially-charged (and, it would seem, very drunk) tirade from a while back, and it’s a…

You: “Here’s a non-cheesy version of the song.”
Comments section: “NO THIS IS CHEESIER WHAT ARE YOU ON ABOUT.”

I, uh. Feel like some of y’all are kinda missing the point.

It’s a nu metal cover.

Of AFRICA.

I remember this movie being eeeeeeverywhere as a kid for a few months before seemingly vanishing from all advertising and media mention in that weirdly abrupt way that movies did in the 90s.

You’re right, though. 90's kids (hi) didn’t give a fuck about the aesthetics of this movie and the entire thing it was going for…

Really? Huh. My doc said the opposite, that it was good I went to the ER because “it could’ve also been a heart attack, they feel like basically the same thing.”

Haven’t had the, um, luxury of living through both (yet, anyway) so who knows, I/he could be wrong.

Yes. That’s the scary part about a panic attack; it feels to the sufferer exactly the same as legitimate heart distress because that’s what it is, just without the actual heart distress part.

Heart distress actually causes the same chemical response in the brain; when you have a heart attack, you’re also having a…

Honest question: Have you never used a classic console emulator?

But to answer your question: It’ll look exactly like the original version of whatever you’re emulating, because as far as the game is concerned, it is the original. The data in a ROM file that an emulator can read and the data stored on the ROM chips on…

Quick shout-out for folks who don’t know, but: Black Ops III was motherfuckin’ weird, in a (mostly) good, refreshing way.

I played through the entire campaign with a friend who has a bizarre love for those games. She couldn’t care less about the MP part but will religiously buy and play every single player…