I shaved my big toes this morning and I have no doubt that I had more hair on old rightie.

Pretty sure I have a bigger mustache than Justin does #humblebrag #gotitfrommymama

LOL He puts shaving cream on most of his face as if it's necessary.

Where can I get a "Sex Monster Party Pal"? Is it an As Seen On TV product?

I kinda want to hang that Jennifer vs. Gwyneth Fig. over my desk as poster. For inspiration. For things.

I think Chasing Amy holds up pretty well; it's just one guys view on a complicated relationship in his 20's, and never meant to be a be-all story, and there's definitely a good heart behind it. It's not perfect and the language would be different now, of course, but it's still a good story.

the league has reportedly asked each potential performer to donate "a portion of their post-Superbowl tour income to the league,"

"Anyway, the league has reportedly asked each potential performer to donate "a portion of their post-Superbowl tour income to the league," which is fucking ridiculous."

Anyway, the league has reportedly asked each potential performer to donate "a portion of their post-Superbowl tour income to the league," which is fucking ridiculous.

I didn't watch that other video until you linked it but I interpreted it somewhat differently from the write-up. I do not particularly like Taylor Swift (though my six-year-old is going to flip for the song when she hears it) but I didn't get as negative an impression of the video. The point that came across to me was…

I have very little faith that this will be anything more than an inconvenience to him. As such, I view this only as an amuse-bouche of humiliation on a banquet that will never arrive.

More like SMUGshot, right you guys?

Interesting!

I am also just soooooo confused by this.

I often make much more than this, by simply driving my car to a destination (Mexico), letting some people fill my trunk with duffel bags, and driving it right back ( to America)! I don't even have to let it sit there!

"I never call the cops."

My friend Doug was unemployed for months. Last month, he made $1,000 in just a few hours! And all he had to do was not drive his Ferrari! You too can learn Doug's secret by clicking, here.________________________________________________________

Dude, fuck you. It's a great way to ruin people's days and make them late for shit they need to get to. It's a great way to keep emergency services from saving people's lives. It's a great way to keep firefighters from a burning building.

I award you one "Internet Tough Guy" point. Get to ten and you can say you'd beat up a cop if you got the chance!

Goddamit Kinja. Goddamit you Jezebel trolling jizz bags!!!