#fivehead

A bit of googling will reveal that Suge deserves a toilet that doesn’t flush at all.

Exactly. Every hamster dies, but not every hamster truly lives.

This is nice, but it was better when it was Portishead. Or was it Tricky?

Dago pleaded not guilty on all charges, including DUI manslaughter, vehicular homicide, and two counts of DUI with damage to a person.

..and angered Chatsworth dorky-ass school administration.

Next on The Art of Manliness: How To Open Your Car’s Door Using Only Your Car Key

Sounds puffy. Does he want to be a pirate?

One organizer explained how they pulled it off: “We planned for a long time, and practiced beforehand on mannequins.”

Fetish much, bro?

A Swiss Army knife is truly something that you should always have with you. I prefer the Spartan because I never know when I might need a corkscrew.

Please go on with your insights on “the ghetto” and the monstrous animals who live there.

Southerners will fight at the drop of a hat. All that Scottish/Scots-Irish clan warfare prepared them for the Civil War, which taught them how to use guns on each other afterward. The “culture of honor,” the inability to let a slight a remain unredressed, that is sometimes also observed in the black community is,…

God made dirt, dirt won’t hurt.

A request for comment sent via Lafontaine’s agent mother doctor was not returned by press time.

I... don’t care what the actors want us to believe?

“I made everyone I’ve ever met write a book report of Atlas Shrugged because it’s my personal philosophy. Also, I want to do away with the government, unless it involves your vagina because I’m not a godless nihilist.”

Beetlejuice is just looking for attention. As usual.

I'm a big fan of your work, but a man's drink has at most two ingredients, excluding ice cubes. You might as well be a sorority girl ordering a "sex-on-the-cosmo-spritzer-with-four-cherries-and-an-olive." Stop holding things up, Archduke Badshirt.

I, sadly, pay for HBO and HBONo. I’m in an area where it’s Comcast or nothing. Despite numerous calls, they won’t let me have even ten channels of television— shit I could get for free if I attached an enormous antenna to my roof— without paying for HBO.