"I was at Coachella this year and I kept calling them 'denim underwear' cause all the girls wear the denim underwear and it's, like, a little obscene! I don't want to say that, but you know, sometimes I think that they're just too short. And now I'm turning into that person that I'm like, your shorts are too…

And, yet, they could afford to drink better wine while you couldn't. Everyone wins!

It's enough to make you think that weed isn't good for you.

I'll give you the "B" thing. And, if you like Catfish that much, that's cool, too.

What time is the Click Bowl?

The joke would have been lost on him , anyway .

Can we all simply take a moment to acknowledge that Jarecki is no Errol Morris?

Do we get to pick what sort of Taliban we become?

nän ˈsekwədər/

I say this way too much, but... these nutterbutters are no longer elected to make their region better. They are elected to break shit because half of the populace has been convinced that the government does nothing but try to kill them.

Beats shooting doctors.

Seriously. How many of these motherfuckers are there?

"Please, ma'am, may I have some goop?" said no Dickensian urchins ever.

Tough, but fair.

Also, on Mariah's ex, why is Jesus always the go to move for black men? I know many black people love the Jesus in that weird, Southern, speaking in tongues way, but fellas need another metaphor.

Jack Osbourne wants to know why the media treated Kathy Griffin as a hero for quitting Fashion Police and didn't treat his sister with the same respect.

At what point should we get to stop thanking our Arab and Persian friends for the symbols we use for numbers? Because, much like comparing the violence that ISIS perpetrates to the crusades, if you have to reach that far back, you're really fucking reaching.

There's still plenty of Indian women to rape.

The President is responsible for considerably more Muslim deaths than the Grahams, as they're really only interested in having the gay ones killed. Perhaps they are secret Muslims, too.