Seriously. How many of these motherfuckers are there?

If someone can get used to your little dick, surely someone can accept a smallish rock.

"Please, ma'am, may I have some goop?" said no Dickensian urchins ever.

Tough, but fair.

Also, on Mariah's ex, why is Jesus always the go to move for black men? I know many black people love the Jesus in that weird, Southern, speaking in tongues way, but fellas need another metaphor.

Jack Osbourne wants to know why the media treated Kathy Griffin as a hero for quitting Fashion Police and didn't treat his sister with the same respect.

At what point should we get to stop thanking our Arab and Persian friends for the symbols we use for numbers? Because, much like comparing the violence that ISIS perpetrates to the crusades, if you have to reach that far back, you're really fucking reaching.

Once we cover Mercury in solar panels, all our problems will be over. Bowel disruptors notwithstanding.

There's still plenty of Indian women to rape.

The President is responsible for considerably more Muslim deaths than the Grahams, as they're really only interested in having the gay ones killed. Perhaps they are secret Muslims, too.

Have some ice cream and settle down.

What odd thought escape no judgement purple mind canyon is good.

If the kid was white you wouldn't give a shit.

Kids raised by video games like music that sounds like video games.

It's easier to seem "deep" and "artistic" and "transgressive" around someone a third of your age. My two-year-old thinks it's hilarious when I say "fart."

"A rising tide lifts all boats."

4. Never talk to a famewhore.

Will your website explain how I, too, can get horny dudes to send me money?

If you feel that every single person you meet who identifies themselves as a feminist must be 100% compatible with you, then you're not really an "thoughtful, empathetic ally". You just set an impossible goal to reach and are using that as a rationalization as to why you don't like...