He should consider himself lucky.

Totally ridiculous.

Yes, someone needs to give the dogs the coke.

No, you didn’t chip in, you get Honeydew

I don’t care for chocolate covered fruit. Just gimme the pineapple chunks.

Shit, just saw he’s not doing the Olympics either. I DON’T CARE, I’M STANDING BY MY SHITTY JOKE! Just, ya know, wash your hands thoroughly between handling the joke and touching your face.

With the proximity of the Super Bowl to the Olympics, I could understand him not wanting to take a Pink Eye Flight between Minnesota and South Korea.

Ok.

Being an adult in America doesn’t mean what it once did:

Ok so the dive looks comically unnecessary to the untrained eye, i.e. most eyes

“I learned to read!”

Hey, I know people keep calling this guy Elite, but he gets into all sorts of trouble when he gets out of the pocket.

“Can you hear me now?”

That’s formal attire in Florida.

They had to throw away the board that counted days without a workplace injury when they signed RGIII.

I expect the Browns to use this as bulletin board material. Right next to their “Hang in there” kitten poster.

I’m going to show these videos to my kids and ask why they are not better sports babies.

He’s wearing camouflage pants.

“Oh, wow, that is the whole leg. Was gonna say, if it’s just the foot I know a few tricks that could help...”

Pretty impressive. I mean, meeting your own goal at age 18.