I want the ridiculous amount of cash she would have blown on a one day “my wedding registry is at the US mint” extravaganza.

for like $1.67 I’d do dirty stuff ... sweeten that with some old ketchup packets and a Bed, Bath & Beyond coupon and I’d be your bodyguard taking a bullet for you.  I’m cheeeeeeeeeeap

You know, it’s a really common thing that happens, that a lot of people mistakenly think they are face-blind, when in actuality, they are only looking at a picture of Armie Hammer.

My adductors shriveled in astonishment and horror.  I can’t wait to show this to every male I know to see them scream.

*Demi Lovato and Kendall Jenner have entered the chat*

IKR? That was kinda bizarre. Years ago I processed a bear my husband had shot (about eight feet from our front door) and I can honestly say it never once occurred to me to blow up it’s heart like a balloon.

In Little House in the Big Woods by Laura Ingalls Wilder, Pa butchers a pig once a year. He blows the bladder up like a balloon, ties it off and give it to the girls play with. I mean I guess what I'm saying is blowing into organs is a thing.

No, it’s not wrong to claim to be Scottish when you are in fact Scottish.

I had to make a business trip by car to NYC from Allentown, PA back a few decades ago and, because of traffic delays, had to urgently urinate once I got there. After parking the car, I quickly ducked into Trump Tower to take a whiz in a ground floor restroom. The restroom had a strong urine smell, was filthy and I saw…

I always get Tom Holland and Tom Hollander confused. It’s disconcerting.

Jeremy Clarkson, cad that he is, was onto something here:

ok you have me there, theres no avoiding the three day wait lol

People I wanted to Abby to get with before I’d wish Harper upon her:

Right after I finished this season of The Crown Netflix suggested I watch “Diana: In her own words”. It was honestly sad. He was such an ass. From the “Whatever love means” quip to the very end. Grade A entitled straight cis white man. He agreed to marry her, in part because she was innocent and naive, and then he…

i wish there weren’t 71 million fascists

In 1989, my mother and my 3 year-old-self were caught crossing the border near Tijuana. We were leaving El Salvador where the American caused Civil War convinced my mom to finally leave. My mom and I were put in a detention center, TOGETHER, for 2 days. We applied for asylum as refugees of war and were permitted to…

Because Acedemia is the only place besides politics where saying you were raised by 3 Hopi polyamourous lesbian goat herders or whatever will get you something other than a boss telling you "who gives a shit- get back to work"

There’s nothing worse than when you complain so much, you run out of things to complain about, then have to invent a whole new reason to complain about things.

As someone who has worked in environments like Disney/ABC, I can definitely understand it. What people don’t understand is that working in that kind of corporate environment is basically like having to endure thousands of papercuts every day, only to shut up and do it the next. At some point, you get so sick and tired…

After all, I was a Rangers fan