It’s almost like this would be a job for the US Military but hey, guess you got to fill your bizarre urge for slave labour somehow.

This advice is so good that I’m thinking about taking it even though I’m happily married with no children.

I wouldn’t want to have kids with someone who surprises me by being a good father. I’d want to assume ahead of time that they’d be a good father. Having a kid and then going “oh wow you’re actually good at this?” Is weird to me. Although I don’t have millions of dollars to support childcare care if the dad slacked off.

Outrage fatigue at 10/10.

ugh it feels like burning man happens 8 times per year and i don’t live anywhere remotely affected by that but it still manages to annoy me.

Julianne Moore Smizing into the Wind is my aesthetic.

Isn’t.....wasn’t it just Burning Man? Is it always Burning Man? I’m scared that Burning Man will someday demand me. The whole thing looks hot and annoying and exhausting. I never want to be ripped into the dimension where this takes place, it seems they’d frown upon wearing lounge pants, drinking tea, and watching ER…

“No offense to your colleague from Fox News,” Sarah Sanders said, “but I think I’m a little bit better informed than they are in terms of when the White House has made a decision”

I had an August baby and a September baby. I feel for you!

My body is ready for every pumpkin muffin, cupcake, pie, cake, pastry, danish, so on and so forth...

Bring it TF on!!! I don’t drink PSL but I love pumpkin flavor. Honestly tho I cook with pumpkin year round and I feel like some people don’t understand that’s a thing you can do.

I’m never not amazed at Trump’s ability to consistently live down to the lowest of expectations. Everyone expected him to make a fucking natural disaster and severe humanitarian crisis about himself and his ego, with no fucking mention of the victims, and of course he fucking did. The second easiest thing for a…

Hold up. That woman is not my FLOTUS.

You missed out on Dunkirk. Was the only summer movie I made time for #noregrets

North remembers!!!

Look what you made Kim do.

You fucking sack of shit:

thank god someone is monitoring the doings.

Hurricane Harvey is a hoax perpetuated by the liberal elites, mainstream media, antifa and Big Weather.