I come to Deadspin for the occasional funny Kinja, Diana, and the lunatic ravings of Drew and Albert. Deadspin really loves to take shots at Simmons and a lot of their competitors, but I often read their stuff instead of scrolling down for a commentator joke.

I saw Tom Hanks at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, but I didn’t want to be a douche and bother him and ask him for photos or anything.
He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?”
I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going…

That’s bad

They’re hiring so...

I congratulate Mr. Williams on his eventual windfall. I mourn for mankind that a genetic mistake was unleashed in the form of Officer Bernot.

Did you happen to fix a painting in Spain?

Replacement for the c32 AMG?

Also when the AC/DC goes on.

Those Polish engineers that built the submarine with screen doors are feeling mighty relieved right now.

Nice

Those count as receipts if you ask me.

Also, money can be exchanged for goods and services.

He had the greatest game punting I’ve ever seen.

I feel like it’s my duty to remind people that Uber and it’s co-founder Travis Kalanick are extremely scummy douches even by the extremely scummy douche world of business. If you have time and need a good laugh/reminder, here’s an episode of The Dollop about Uber:

I think you’re onto something.

As a practicing Catholic, I welcome Rihanna as our new pope.

While talking to that devil, say hi to Art Briles.

This is the same fucking PD involved in the shooting death of Daniel Shaver:

Which seems crazy to say but you’re absolutely. The guy wrote Big, Dave, and directed Pleasantville. I think a person does have a finite amount of creativity.