Whatever man. Having a bunch or really insanely nice and cool cars doesn’t mean you have a small dick. I’m sick of this shit. I drive a really awful car and my dick is small and bad.

Damn.

It’s a simple question. If you were a hotdog, would you eat yourself?

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When you read, do you just stick your face against the computer screen and mush all the words together with your eyes, or what

Note: The first published version of this article mistakenly referred to Friday’s election as “tomorrow.” Because until just this moment, I thought today was Thursday. It’s only Tuesday. Fuck.

Meanwhile, Uncle Drew has shingles.

^^^^ Bed bug truther - the most esoteric of all truthers

“You’re doing it wrong — we don’t even have to go through all that trouble of hiding revenue from players.”

Donatas Motiejunas: failed physical.

Odds that if something like this were to happen, it would of necessity involve the Sixers: 100,000,000,000%.

Are we absolutely certain Papelbon isn’t related to Curt Schilling?

the Nets might want to consider not showing up.

No need to click the sound on for the Vine. There’s no Benny Hill music, I checked. smdh

Fred Smoot was reportedly unimpressed.

Even if that’s true, we can start worrying about it when high school wrestlers start getting amputations intentionally for the advantage

Ghost of Gawker Past [nods]

at the risk of sounding horrible, that right there might be the only reason religion is worth anything: perspective

“We didn’t lose her. When you lose something you can’t find it. I know exactly where my wife is.”

Starting now I am banning anybody that mentions traveling.