He sounds like a coward. But, on the off chance he really does have the flu, I just wanted to tell you that I got it for the first time in my life earlier this year and it knocked me flat on my ass for six days, and I was moderately sick for a solid 2 weeks. The flu is so, so terrible. If it’s gone beyond a week,…

Hello. I’m coming out of my long-time lurking to post this.

The heat of posting on Twitter, which is a high pressure situation that requires split-second decision making.

Eat, Eat, Eat: A Memoir/Stomach ache

There’s kind of a risk in this: if the actor fits too well, or looks too good, or sympathetic, it will bring even more ill-will towards the already frowned upon Cavill’s Superman portrayal.

Sonja is so reliable though, ...

I usually make a hand choppy movement at my throat and tilt my head towards my right so they understand that they shouldn’t approach me because I’m with my wife. Then I follow with the little fake phone and mouth “call me”.

Have you seen this photoshopped wonder?

If they haven’t seen you yet, there’s also the “hide until they pass by” option.

I thought we were all supposed to just say “oh shit whaddup!” now.

At 30 feet I put my right hand up for a fist bump and point at it with my left. The whole way I’m just pointing at it, at about 15 feet I start nodding repeatedly and slightly tilting my head as if to say, “You know what this is about!” and then we bump fists and keep walking.

I’m guessing she’s either not reading much Phillip K. Dick or is reading entirely too much Phillip K. Dick. Either way she seems to think it’s non fiction.

I’m guessing some kind of long Las Vegas bender that included both a tour of the Hoover Dam and the Luxor Casino

I’m just going to say, don’t Google “Giza Pyramid Power Plant” unless you don’t have anything to do the rest of the day.

What I’m getting out of this is that someone took Megan Fox on a tour of a power plant and told her it was the Great Pyramid of Giza.

*high ranking official to other high ranking official*: "Hey wanna fuck with some gullible Americans today?"

the buyers (played by Broad City’s Abbi Jacobson

Micellar water is micro-droplets of micelles (little clusters of fatty lipids) suspended in water. Micelles have both a water-loving portion and an oil-loving portion. The oil-loving part sticks to the oils and waxes in the makeup and dissolves it. The water-loving part allows the liquified makeup and skin oils to be…

Oh god, they’re bouncing to the beat of my Pandora station! CAN’T UNSEE!

Sorry but Bushes who aren’t descended from Barbara are not canon. It’s like finding some obscure Knowles family member with no blood relation to Tina.