How did you know my fists are tiny?

This show constantly does things to get the characters in trouble though.

What? You didn’t learn about Michael Lucas King’s famous “I Dreamed Something Last Night and You Guys Won’t Believe How Crazy It Was!” speech in school?

The frowny face he was making the entire episode made us laugh.

This episode pissed me off. Maybe the writers need to watch Game of Thrones or something else medieval. The way the walkers were shuffling around and bumping into one another, it would have taken just a few well placed flaming arrows to take out the collection of walkers. Additionally, fire spreading would not be a…

Ah hahahahahhaha I literally sing this chorus every time someone mentions something shitty about NYC or something shitty happens to them in NYC.

you could have stopped at “representative from NY” and i would have gotten the picture

The Speaker of the House? That’s what I call my wife!

The only thing shocking is that it is with a woman.

Really? Wow! So it totally IS my fault that I didn’t just fix the problem all on my own. How sad that it never occurred to me to Google, “How does my wife want me to kiss her?” and be rewarded with all the information I needed. Also, to my knowledge, she has never written a book about how she wants to be kissed. So I…

*hug*

I had a gun held to me once, but I just cried hysterically in response.

honestly its the most straightforward platform of any presidential candidate with regards to avoiding mass shootings

For October, the NRA also suggests we defend ourselves and shoot off our own boobs.

October is also national domestic violence awareness month, a cultural issue that really does not get enough attention and is also killing women. Seems like that would make a lot more sense for a police force to support. Maybe “arrest domestic abusers” pins, perhaps?

My now-wife told me, about a year after we got married, that she didn’t like how I kiss her.

Totally. Have you ever had a moment when you’re mid kiss and you’re just like WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING?? It happens to me too often. Humans are fucking weird.

ACtually thinking about the mechanics behind kissing is so so gross. I can’t believe we all just run around sticking our tongues into other people’s mouths (and crotches). And then complain when someone double dips in the salsa bowl.

“Guy comes in, put the gun in my ribs. And I just said, ‘I believe that you want the guy behind the counter.’”