I’m not particularly attractive, but I “get away with” not wearing makeup by not giving a flying fuck.

Alicia Keys can get away without makeup because, well, she’s really attractive.

Something is desperately wrong with him. He needs to get therapy.

Yeah, if I want tinglecrotch I go for the Doc.

I like Dr. Bronners but it can get a lil too **spicy** sometimes.

Dr. Bronner’s in the shower. That is all.

Monsters. Only monsters leave voicemails. You know Trump is one of those people who leaves winding, two minute long voicemails.

I feel like we aren’t really addressing the root of the problem: WHO IS STILL LEAVING VOICEMAILS in 2016?

Skin to skin contact is beneficial for infants because it promotes bonding. I promise that it will not give you a boner.

I find sitting sideways to be worse — especially on DC Metro. Of course, it helps if the track isn’t on fire that day.

It read to me like regular english. I not hear accent. Racist you.

I couldn’t help but read it in the voice of Cookie Monster. But I have a 4 year old, so...

I ride the DC Metro regularly. The train cars have some seats that face forwards, some face backwards, and some seats face sideways. Buses have forwards and sideways seats. I’ll get sick if I sit in the forwards or backwards seats, but I can read just fine in the sideways seats.

And this lady even uses the modesty blanket... not that she has to. But seriously, if it is about the ZOMG fear of nipples, with that giant blanket there, there is no risk of that.

I’d rather see a woman nursing (including possible seeing OMGSH! her nipple!) than hear a crying baby. Why is this STILL going on?

It only took me saying it to him 13,452 times for him to think of it.

“You’re a prison” is such a good comeback.

yah, i made it up

This has happened to me so many times.

The problem with this blog is that this has never happened, ever, to anyone.