Could it be Carson is one of those people, like me, who can only use the bathroom at his house for #2? Because that would be a totally legit reason to fly home in the middle of a campaign.

Counterpoint:

Hmm. Maybe I need to talk slowly here.

Get ready for a week long conversation about What Your Kids Are Doing On The Internet. I bet Chris Hansen’s media schedule is booked until next Tuesday.

In her acceptance speech, Burnett thanked co-stars, Harvey Korman and Tim Conway.

“little black bandeau bra” - bullshit. That woman and those ample bozoomz never saw support of that minority status in her freaking life.

She posted one on Twitter, with the women’s name screen-cut for privacy. Scary stuff - the woman mentioned that she also found out he’d been doing this to four other women, and when she dumped him he hit her. Perfect misogynistic asshole trifecta: unfaithful, dishonest, and abusive.

Analog dick pics! OMG

This is awesome. I would totally wanna know if my husband was acting like a douche. I wonder what kind of responses she gets from the women?

A post has been making the Facebook rounds about a woman who sends pictures of her shits to guys who send her dick pics.

Someone on here recently suggested I reply to dick pics with dick pics found on the Internet. I’m dying to try this.

I’m pretty poor, but I received a pair of black Louboutin boots as a gift last year. They are magnificent and beautiful and the most uncomfortable fucking shoes I’ve ever owned. The mostly stay in their box, looking pretty, save for occasions when I want to make someone asshole jealous.

Okay, as someone who has never purchased shoes at a place fancier than Nordstrom rack (and that’s if I’m being my super fanciest) - enlighten me - are there shoes out there that are really worth the price of a Blahnik or Louboutin? Do they last a long time? Are they comfortable? Are they seriously that much prettier…

This is why they should totally listen to me. Just givin the people what they want!

Oh hell no....you’d better be fucking with me right now...
*Googles in fear*

UGH. If you wanted the cast of the movie to be invited to the award show, then you shoulda cast Jennifer Lawrence to play Dr. Dre, Tilda Swinton to play Eazy-E and Casey Affleck to play Ice Cube LIKE I SAID. There still would have been a black actor in there. Like I would have cast Morgan Freeman to play a doorman or…

The second silver lining out of all of this, with the first being that it’s actually a thing and we all have to discuss it, is that (hopefully) recipients of the awards will be too self-conscious to go on and on about whatever bullshit they think is important, say a quick thanks, and get the fuck off of the stage.…

dream couch

that sectional. that SECTIONAL. THAT sectional. THAT SECTIONAL.

This morning I woke up and under my pillow was my cat! I can’t tell if he likes the pressure of my head pushing a pillow into his body while he sleeping or if he’s trying to get me to unknowingly suffocate him while I sleep so that he can frame me for his murder Gone Girl style to teach me a lesson. Really hard to…