I’m pretty poor, but I received a pair of black Louboutin boots as a gift last year. They are magnificent and beautiful and the most uncomfortable fucking shoes I’ve ever owned. The mostly stay in their box, looking pretty, save for occasions when I want to make someone asshole jealous.

Okay, as someone who has never purchased shoes at a place fancier than Nordstrom rack (and that’s if I’m being my super fanciest) - enlighten me - are there shoes out there that are really worth the price of a Blahnik or Louboutin? Do they last a long time? Are they comfortable? Are they seriously that much prettier…

I volunteer my Asain uterus because I am determine to dry up as a feminist liberal cat lady. When I die I am leaving everything to planned parenthood and having a viking funeral/waxed me made to look like lady liberty

Huh. That’s a pretty cute baby I guess. If you’re into that sort of thing. I mean I GUESS that’s a pretty adorable smile on her cutesy wootsy wittle face and.....Oh shoot! I just ovulated.

Adorable. And that hair! I love it.

This is why they should totally listen to me. Just givin the people what they want!

Oh hell no....you’d better be fucking with me right now...
*Googles in fear*

You joke but Joseph Fiennes will be playing Michael Jackson in an upcoming film …..

UGH. If you wanted the cast of the movie to be invited to the award show, then you shoulda cast Jennifer Lawrence to play Dr. Dre, Tilda Swinton to play Eazy-E and Casey Affleck to play Ice Cube LIKE I SAID. There still would have been a black actor in there. Like I would have cast Morgan Freeman to play a doorman or…

The second silver lining out of all of this, with the first being that it’s actually a thing and we all have to discuss it, is that (hopefully) recipients of the awards will be too self-conscious to go on and on about whatever bullshit they think is important, say a quick thanks, and get the fuck off of the stage.…

dream couch

that sectional. that SECTIONAL. THAT sectional. THAT SECTIONAL.

This morning I woke up and under my pillow was my cat! I can’t tell if he likes the pressure of my head pushing a pillow into his body while he sleeping or if he’s trying to get me to unknowingly suffocate him while I sleep so that he can frame me for his murder Gone Girl style to teach me a lesson. Really hard to…

IF he legit doesn’t show up, and IF he actually takes Ted Cruz up on his offer to go mano a mano for 90 minutes, this could be the bestest thing evar.

He added, “It’s time that somebody plays grownup,”

THE SMARTEST!

God dammit YOU ARE SO SMART

I could be wrong, but I think this is the crasher. I went to IG and searched #bradleycooper counting on the fact that if someone “met” him they’d gloat.

I’m just the messenger. All the credit should go to Lauren Yapalater at Buzzfeed.