Since I'm still extremely pissed off and saddened by this, I can't enjoy the party I'm at without expressing my feelings first. I wrote out an open letter:

Sounds like somebody's going through pumpkin spice latte withdrawal.

Waiting a few years for the apocalypse, and if nothing happens, throwing myself off a bridge.

GOD DAMN IT. If you cannot keep a firearm secure and under your control at all times, you should not own it.

I have pretty good bidar and that's what I get from him. I think he bats for at least two teams.

Has it been shown that 95% of My Strange Addiction people are suffering from pica?

That video should be Exhibit 1 in his civil suit against NYPD.

You know, at first I was really skeptical of the singing and dancing snowman. But I really loved his song. "I'll finally do what frozen things do in SUMMMAAARRRR. Be a happy snowman!" It broke me. It was adorable.

At least you HAVE Chinese restaurants! Be glad of it.

Probably. We only have around 40 million in the whole country. We're pretty damn cold though.

Dude?! I'm Canadian. We're bigger, on top and our Chinese food isn't coming from this warehouse.

While reading this I saw the happiest damn rats standing up, waving America flags, and singing "America The Beautiful".

DELAWARE: (nothing)

if a cat came out of a duffle on a bus i was on i would be fucking delighted and no trip would ever be as good.

Obligatory pu pu platter joke.

• A rodent's nest with multiple rodents in a plastic-lined box in a cooler that had thawing rib meat on top of melons.

Thanks, Colin. You have officially ruined Jewish Christmas!

I'm mystified about how people got a good workout to "Author's Theme," a melancholic downtempo number about a drunk man-child.

I just came to make sure "monogrammed coffee thermoses" took its rightful place at the top this year.