You’d think all the money Texas saves by banning abortions, keep transsexuals out of bathrooms, and making sure you can walk into TGIFridays with you AR-15, they would have enough money to pull themselves up by their bootstraps.

Nothing drives me crazier than when people say “we” or “they” are pregnant. No, SHE is pregnant. HE is still drinking alcohol and wearing his normal clothes and sleeping on his stomach and not having strangers try to touch his belly in public.

Gwen Stefani says it broke her heart for her child to have to wear glasses.

That’s it, I am buying stock right now in popcorn. All the popcorn companies.

Terry Gross, House of NPR, Mother of Draggin’s.

Vagina Slims.

We see you, Gweneth Paltrow. Now kindly fuck off.

The word “yoni” makes me want to die.

I constantly have to shut down requests to open an artisinal bakery down there.

Yeah, but imagine what a disaster the Boy Scouts speech would have been if The Mooch hadn’t been there.

Q: How surprised should we be that Trump has hired a Director of Communications who: 1. has no idea how “off-the-record” works; 2. thinks he can get a reporter to divulge sources by threatening to fire his own staff; 3. doesn’t understand that a document with the title of Public Disclosure can be disclosed to the…

I think in the case of The Mooch his absence is probably preferable

I mean this makes perfect sense to me. The child is no longer unborn, so he no longer cares

It’s not a violation of first amendment rights, however I have to question the appropriateness of the POTUS blocking people who disagree with him. It’s one thing for Joe Schmo to do that, but when you’re a publicly elected* official and it’s your job to listen to the people, even when they disagree

I hope it’s gross beer and fails. That guy sucks

Shame he didn’t spend anything on not being a wifebeating cunt.

Bucks County, for when you absolutely can’t make it down to Florida.

Three to seven years in prison for the parents!? THAT’S IT?!

This comment reminds me of the old Seattle based variety show “Almost Live” where they did a regular skit called... The Worst Girlfriend in the World. Basically all these guys pursue this one girl who goes through them like underwear. They all end up in therapy and they all conclude that she really was the worst…

Ah, they can all remember when they didn’t have a care in the world. Sad.