Dammit, don’t you hate it when you turn down Molestation Avenue when you really meant to hang a left on Not Being a Fucking Monster Lane? Goddamn MapQuest, I tell you what...

One of my favorite moments:

I applaud you for actually providing the requested response, rather than getting uppity and being rude like a lot of people would have done.

I have always liked Aniston for her comedic timing. She was my favorite actor on Friends because she could equally pull off the subtle and the over the top.

I agree - I think she was one of the best actors on the show, and was pretty much the only character who wasn’t a total stereotype by the end of it.

This is how Dr. Frankenstein felt about HIS creation.

Anna Faris seems like a nice person, but I want her to join me in pretending that the word “felfie” never existed.

So if you have a bunch of beans, and you spill them, they get everywhere and roll into all kinds of nooks and crannies and no matter how hard you try to clean them up you’re still finding them days later in unexpected places. Much like how if you tell a secret people will spread it around and it won’t be a secret…

Google proves you are correct. Which means I am free to name the male lead in my great American opus Walter Berglubdm.

They’re all beautiful but the true MVP is the turd one. A real, live human being sat down and wrote that, and most likely tweaked that sentence a few times, and then it went through at least a handful of other editors/agents/literary types, only to emerge on the other side exactly thus. What a time to be alive.

Also, is it just me or does Jonathan Franzen look like Steven King cosplaying as a hipster?

Write your congressional representatives and ask them to call for a vote on the FAMILY Act. This bill was proposed back in 2013 and hasn’t been able to secure a vote. Women make up half of the electorate and deserve a straight up-or-down vote on something as vital as paid parental leave.

I guess I should look in to it then. I don’t eat there, but I’m curious.

No. they really, really didn’t. That said, a lot of people were like, “Fuck that, I love waffle fries.”

Please give me the strength. I’m browsing Jezebel from the bathroom I’m pretending to need to use while avoiding A Required Family Event.

I’m Jewish, and I think the way Israel has treated Ethiopian Jews (not to mention the African asylum seekers that have made their way there in the last few years) is deplorable. In fact, the vast majority of other Jewish people that I know feel that way. Carry on making random assumptions about the entirety of the…

Poor actors? Competition? Ballet? Bitching about your lack of turnout in first position? Say no more, I’m def in. This will be my life now. No sarcasm.

You could add, “so don’t make a project out of her because at some point it’s going to stop being cute and become harassment.”

I was very badly bullied at school so I gave as good as I got. One dudebro in particular kept harassing me, so I accused him of bedding sheep. Simples. All through high school, nasty sleazy stuff from him, I rejoined with my sheep-fucker insults. They were awesome! We have a very strong repitoire of sheep related…