So are you single?

Your words, not mine. I don’t assume I’m better than everyone. I don’t assume I’m better than anyone— I let other people reveal themselves to be useless, and then point out the ways in which they are useless. Generally much to their chagrin and consternation.

Only because you asked nicely.

Why are you so angry? Go out and split some firewood, assuming you can.

Nope, I just know my limitations.

It is adorable that you’re trying to shame me for my flip phone.

Close but no cigar!

Well, not exactly. Before I did all that growing up in small-town rural America, I lived all around the world following a parent’s diplomatic job. So I have a healthy perspective on the wider world. But keep trying to pigeonhole me. If you can, you’ll be the first.

If you don’t care, why did you ask? You were clearly trying to catch me out in an embarrassing lie. But I am a well-spoken working-class redneck. I have hard-earned callouses on my hands. I can cut, collect, split, and stack firewood. I built a motor with my bare hands (hence the username). I know this is…

You are under no obligation to believe me. My neighbors were all octogenarians with German last names. I love the smell of healthy cow manure. I am a fucking surgeon with a garden hoe. And I grow some badass tomatoes, peppers, pole beans, butternut squash, and watermelon.

I grew up on the edge of a town of 250.

I hope that question wasn’t meant to be rhetorical, because: yes and yes.

Methinks they do protest ever so slightly too much.

Topical and meta.

Someone protesting one of his “speeches” was shot in the stomach and the perpetrator wasn’t even arrested.

yeah he is dunzo

Does it bug you that I’m good enough with my hands to fix actual physical mechanical things? Is that it? Can ya change a tire, sport? Because that’s important.

Uh, excuse you, waste collector. Waste collectors in major metropolitan areas make a decent wage and have excellent benefits. I should be so lucky to snag a job in a major metropolis hauling trash.

Well, Milo, you found the line. Good luck, dumbass!

And I only drive cars I can fix myself. So all these techbros’ “well where do you think your car’s complex electronics and infotainment came from hengh?” make me laaaaaugh and laugh.