Are you sure this is West Virginia?  Because it sounds an awful lot like East Texas, especially the mudding bit, which is a popular pastime here.

A hundred if he's under sedation.  

A hundred if he's under sedation.  

Maybe there's a Fleshlight in the box.
Or whatever those things are called.

Maybe there's a Fleshlight in the box.
Or whatever those things are called.

I read three of the books from the middle of the series.
Two months later, I could hardly remember anything specific about any of them, except that they were okay when I read them.
Enjoyable fluff.

Currently:
Stella the fox terrier—she came with the name because I never would have gone for the Kowalski thing voluntarily—and once I did name a dog Waldo, and the first time I couldn't find him and I asked my other dogs, "Where's Waldo?," he became Wally, instantly
Biggie Big Dog, black-mouth cur, a local "breed"…

Hard Day's Night is on hulu, free.  With an uncredited performance (?) by Phil Collins, somewhere in the background.