Last time I was at Panera was in the winter of 2014, where I paid $7.95 for a grilled cheese that my then-girlfriend thought was the greatest thing in the world and I’m like “love, we can go to Safeway, get white bread and processed cheese for under a buck, and I can make you one of these at home.”

The bread is baked on-site. Or at least used to be; my wife had to get up at 3am every morning right out of college to have everything ready for breakfast rush.

“people really never thought”

My ex-wife hated casual-dining places not because the food was reheated or any of that but because “if we’re gonna eat fast food, let’s just go to Del Taco and pay fast food prices instead of spending $40.”

They should just call it sous vide mac & cheese and charge an extra $5 markup

Meanwhile Dunkin Donuts will straight up microwave your egg dish right in front of your face. Often while making hard eye contact with you. And then you’ll pay them money.

Are there people who really think there’s someone in the galley kitchen of chain joints stirring pots of mac and cheese, red sauce, pesto, alfredo, chicken soup, cream of tomato soup, and broccoli cheddar soup while sweating over short ribs, mashed potatoes, pans of lasagna, roasting chickens, and flipping burgers?…

Matt, look on the bright side...I’m sure this feels better than being up 28-3 once.

How am I suppose to be hungry for a W when I’m filling up on turnovers?

Yep!

After the game, a reporter caught up the player in the other team’s locker room.

That is the only rule in football I love. 

Pshaw, I saw Doug Flutie dropkick an extra point. ONLY CALL ME WHEN SUPER WEIRD SHIT HAPPENS.

Fred McGriff’s 2-second appearance in the commercial for the Tom Emanski Instructional Drills video might have been the smartest thing he ever did in his life.

I’m lucky enough that Barry was my in-town guy. For my out of town, Bo was a good choice. And at his peak, I loved Chad Johnson. I even got a Bengals jersey with his name cuz I felt his personality was tremendous, and of course he was excellent at football.

Every male born between 1975 and 1980 were legally mandated to have the Bo Jackson poster where he had shoulder pads and was resting his arms on a baseball bat. I think you were deported if you didn’t have that poster in Jr High/High School.

I would heartily work around the birth of my first child to watch Barry Sanders in his prime.

Christian Okoye was definitely one of those ‘90s running backs you’d watch a whole game for. Earl Campbell in the ‘80s.

I was just about to say “Barry Sanders, and today, Frank Gore”.

Mine will forever be LaDainian Tomlinson.