Whoppers exist exclusively to teach kids at Halloween that life is not fair and some choices are so wrong that there’s nothing you can do to fix them. You want to eat a candy, you think it’s a candy - mouthful of fermentation flavored dust.

“White Walkers HATE her! This one neat dagger trick will end the Long Night”

I said this in a comment that will probably say in the grays because Dirt Bag is no longer that fun and therefore is less popular, but I live with my mom because (like Pete) I have a serious, chronic mental illness. I am also employed and we share living expenses. But no one cares about me as much as my mom does, and…

If you’re not gonna tell us that story you should be banned from Deadspin

The only person who saw all this coming was Tony Romo. 

If he’s such a great prognosticator, then why didn’t he open the broadcast with, “Everybody should just go to bed right now, because in a few hours you will all want to kill yourselves.”

Calls against the Cowboys are always good calls.

The Timberwolves, his next stop, were and are the domain of domineering, career-ravaging psycho coach Tom Thibodeau, who’d probably already at least partially alienated the team’s two young building-block players

“In any normal society, this historically contextualized and reasonable explanation would be accepted..”  Sadly, no, there has never yet been such a society.  

As long as they don’t spiral out of control.

Um, I’m pretty sure stealing a QBing job was the central plot of the original Ace Ventura film.

A monarchy where the right to rule is based on heredity and, at least partially, hand-to-hand combat is no kind of utopia. I was hoping Wakanda was going to be portrayed as a bit more enlightened than that, even knowing that Black Panther was a “king” going into it. The system was so easily corrupted by one member of…

Typical libtards getting triggered just because children are dying in easily preventable ways

Be... sure.... to... drink... your... Ovaltine!

he was so chill after this scorpion kick i guess you could say he was...(*looks at camera*) sub-zero.

In-N-Out is, indeed, fine.

It was a joke

This is what’s happening. Her husband works from home. I guarantee this woman doesn’t fart in the presence of her husband. Her husband has put her on this pedestal to where she feels she can’t shit in her own house. Instead, she goes out for a “jog.”

The only person with crappier runs in Colorado this past weekend was Ezekiel Elliott.