I actually can't even picture how you wipe your ass while sitting. Like, I reach my hand pretty much into the toilet bowl under my balls? What if I took an enormous shit that is peaking above the water? Why would anyone risk that? I wasn't even aware sitting to wipe was a thing people did. What the actual fuck.

This coming from a guy named after a guy in a movie with this character in it:

The last Priest show I went to, wear I was doing photography, there was a 20 something year old kid dressed as Zebraman. I ran over and high-fived him and took his picture.

The article doesn’t make it clear that while you will pay more in taxes, it would be offset to some extent, by reductions in medical costs, education, etc. How much it would offset depends on how much you make, married or single, have kids, currently medical expenses, etc. As you would expect, poorer people with kids…

Jimmy Carter looks like a grandfather. Ted Cruz looks like someone who kills grandfathers. There’s a fundamental difference here.

Deadspin will be fine. For various reasons, no one’s particularly concerned. And also for various reasons we aren’t talking about it as much as we’d like to.

(crowd lustily boos lack of effort)

Fuckin’ savage bro. Put him on a team with this kid:

“Mitchell & Ness, this is Rickey, calling on behalf of Rickey. Rickey wants to purchase a Rickey jersey.”

One of things I hope for most dearly is that the death penalty will be abolished in my lifetime. Not the feckless, useless, piecemeal state by state abolition, but the federal government actually stepping up and saying no more. I hate this shit. It’s WRONG.

I didn’t know Bob was so controversial in Cuba, the last three bullets call for a “nueva Ley”

Add making me side with Fox News to the reasons I hate Donald Trump.

LET ME BAT NEAR MY SON!

Disgusting.

This would be quite effective were it not for the fact that “women: you have to treat them like sh*t” is the subtext for the entire Republican party.

Didn’t Jesus have to die so our sins could be absolved or whatever? You goy bastards should be thanking us for killing Jesus.

Well, see, here you go again. And the answer is no. Any objective reading of presidential history puts Obama nowhere near the bottom of that list. There were three truly, unabashedly horrible 20th century presidents: Harding, Hoover, and Nixon. Obama was worse than those guys? No, he was not. I think Carter was worse…

I mean, who the hell wants GDP growth, lower unemployment, 72 consecutive months of job growth, lower deficit and 20 million more people with health insurance? Ugh!

Shut the fuck up and get me my fries.