I think I used too many big words and correct grammar. Bad trolling.

Deadspin called to say that I was PROBABLY gonna be ungreyed, but I would have to agree to stop half-assing my comments. I said probably is no good, and took a pass. Thanks anyway!

I too remember Joe Camel, but when I was a kid animals that stood on two feet and dressed like humans were typically Shredder’s henchmen, not role models.

I am not sure what that play was supposed to be, but I liked the “holding a football like a tennis racket” move.

To paraphrase Hollywood Henderson, “He couldn’t spell ‘Time’ if you gave him the ‘T,’ the ‘I,’ and the ‘M’.”

First of all, I like The Little Drummer Boy.

HaHA, Time throws him under the bus:

Normally I’m a pretty humble guy, but I’m afraid I have to call you all out, for the truth is that in fact, it is I who was 2006's person of the year.

“He then folded his arms, scowled and farted. He farted and farted until he sharted. He sharted until he pooped. He pooped so much there was a pile. And it raised him up just a little bit. Then he pooped so much there was a hill. And it raised him up just a little bit more. Eventually he pooped a mountain. And then he…

As 2006's Person of the Year, I’d like to tell him to go suck a fart.

hook this kinja straight up to my fuckin veins

“Sweet I can get my number back!” James Jones as he sits by a silent telephone.

Autumn is my favorite time of year. I just love watching the Jeeps turn different shades of brown and red.

If there’s no grass on the field, play ball.

Who cares what you’d rather she do?

Life has been executing a very slow five-point-palm exploding heart technique on Harvey.

And the conflict between Santa and Frosty will end once both of them find out that both of their moms are named Martha.

FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP READING. LET THAT BE THE ONLY THING YOU TAKE FROM THIS ARTICLE.

What’s it like having a life utterly devoid of joy?

i think the biggest strike against Skyline chili is that Peter King likes it.