Instead of a Bear Friday post we get a paean to literal shit. What the fuck 

The San Diego Whale Vaginas. Or is that redundant? Is this joke still relevant? FAN VOTE.

Patty I will do murder if you come for my fruits

Under the terms of the contract, though, if he’s still on the team tomorrow, he owes the Bears $4 million.

A lot of people say the steroid era ruined baseball for them or something to that effect. I disagree. There is nothing more fun than guessing which players are on PEDs, and riling up fans of that player with those accusations.

I was wondering why today, out of the blue, I started loving color rush jerseys and hoping every NFL team wore them for 16 games.

I’m sorry, but you are clearly one of those clime change wackos. I’ll only believe it when humanity gives 110% acceptance to these articles. Because we should treat our climate like we treat our high school sports.

It’s a widely accepted fact that we’re fucked. 

Eh, could be Pika-worse...

Gotta give them credit for showing their cards here and trusting Gottlieb not to steal them.

Please keep your drops of Uranium 235 to yourself.

Linesman: “we’re trying to play tennis here”

Um, WITAF?

Uh, I think you mean the “Tribute To Service Brought To You By Budweiser: The King Of Beers.”

She’s the best mental manifestation since Harvey from Farscape.

“Doesn’t he look tired?”

I thought it was Teve Torbes.

dick move to pawn four.

Yeah but the NFL is obviously fixed, and wrestling is real.