His habitual use of inappropriate language, and his personal and professional attacks on administrators, are antithetical to the values of our university. . . . We are grateful that the new leadership in our football program is aligned with our values and will establish that you can be successful at Nebraska and that…

Best soap opera ever, man.

Gluten had nothing to do with it. Miley just refused to "do something" about his sideburns, despite the club's repeated demands.

Oh, for sure. I was being facetious. Then again, always write for your audience, i.e., us idiots. :)

Same mistake here. Maybe Jolie buried the lede....

Harsh, but fair. In my rush to comment, I skipped over a crucial section.

Thoughts on using a nice gift bag, tissue paper on the inside (to cover or obscure the gift), and a bow on the outside? Acceptable time-saver, cop-out, neither, or both?

Jay showered so fast they freaked.

You can be sure that this is going to get blown out of proportion tomorrow and occupy a football news cycle, but Cutler can hardly be blamed for what happened.

My foot hurts. Can I go to the nurse?

More like "Eyes of a Hangover," amiright?

8 p.m. — USA — It's A Wonderful Life

For real? AV Club, which is normally pretty reliable, seemed pretty disappointed.

Heading to the company holiday party soon, so I gotta steel myself:

Major Lazer?

I won't tell the missus about the time you shit on my floor.

Hot Fucking Stove, indeed.

Interesting. She has a pretty sweet gig right now, but she knows and loves her hockey and holds a mic like a grudge. Let's go 50:1.

Would you say that she would mop the floor with the competition?

I. DO. NOT. BELIEVE. WHAT. I. AM. SEEING.