Going down the masthead, here are the odds; you know, in case you bet on things like this and Hawai'i football games:

With that red-pepper "sauce"? Yeah, that'll do it.

Today's PSA: even though the Cubbies got Lester, it's important for us Northsiders to keep things in perspective:

Are you my doppelgänger? +35

Roger Goodell is dumb as a fucking post.

I can't stop laughing at, "'I can't control my massive craps.'" It's the little things, you know? Not like those craps, though. I heard they are massive. And uncontrollable.

This is our generation's "If a tree falls in a forest and no one's around...."

No sarcasm: As awesome as this comment is, it's so much better when read aloud to yourself in a voice and cadence like Patrick Bateman:

Forget the guy and his balls! That woman looks like she could kill me seven times before my body hit the ground!

Here is a bad idea: Crowdfunding hundreds of thousands of dollars by lying about how far along you are in developing said project, suddenly making it a proprietary system before backtracking, and then continuing to act like a sketchball when the people who gave you money call you out on it.

Indeed. Records from that era are spotty, at best.

#HoHoHoOutYouGo

Let's all be honest with ourselves: J.T. Barrett would have been a finalist if his name were J.M. Barrett.

Oh, certainly. I know. I just want to watch it all burn.

Rex Ryan to DC?

Still on that Kenny Dennis kick:

Maybe you're right. But you never can tell when the mistake involves transposing numbers. People do it all the time. Just trying to help, that's all.

[T]he Patriots' 21-26 victory over those lucky (and terrifyingly good) Packers.

You're not too familiar with Pryor's comedy-stylings, are you?

Ha! Point taken. :)