That’s two positive stories on the first page of Deadspin at the same time, folks. Maybe not all is lost.

I wish Charlotte was an executive on my favorite team!

Great. Now I’m crying in a McDonald’s. And it's not for any of the usual reasons.

Can’t

Waves on the beach, my breh.

The Dong of Life

What are the odds he takes a shortcut and becomes a policeman?

That’s my son! He’s fine. A couple scraped elbows and a huge grin. 14 year old JT Vukovcan. Wants Kang to sign his ball.

exactly. I want to see a skit where an ESPN talking head talks about a person (a woman?) who leaves a job for a pay raise, etc. I can see hilarious moments like how leaving makes her a whore and how she shows no loyalty to the company who was under paying her. Probably would be even funnier if it was a pro athlete…

I asked this question to my colleagues and their heads exploded. What if you could only own one movie from each decade? My list looks like this.

Or not.

Took a page from the Sounders.

Did your father ever inform you what a true asshole you are, or was he 0-for-2 in calling that correctly?

What just happened. Am I in a time warp? I’m in a time warp. Great! There goes my weekend. Oh wait it’s back. Nevermind.

The Ardrey Kell High School talent show: You pay for the whole seat, but you’ll only need the edge

I just created an account to tell you how fucking dumb this argument is. Game 1 of the 2015 finals went to overtime WITH Irving. You do not get addition by subtraction when JR Smith and Delly are your 2nd and 3rd scoring options. This is a dumb argument and you should feel bad for saying it.

[Siren noise] Bragging alert. I used to do this for Ultimate Frisbee - practice receiving, tipping, and throwing purposeful and accidental tips. In Ultimate, it’s all about which way the disc is spinning. End alert. [Siren noise]

my daughter just asked about the n word. we explained it is a very hurtful slur and there’s no reason to ever use it. she asked, so if it’s so bad, why did I hear a black man say it to another black man? and my husband said “honey, they can use it if they want. you can’t. they get to decide because it’s been used to…

Is there any chance in the world that this guy isn’t a terrible human being?