Hmmm...I would see if I can confirm whether those people are allergic to your fist.

This entire playoffs have been weird. I am a Rangers fan and I am not confident in any team winning it all. Every team has some pretty major flaws. This is the perfect scenario for a goalie to stand on his head and carry a team deep.

I tried to hit on Jonah Hill when I was blackout drunk in the VIP section of a vampire weekend show and his response was, “You should probably drink some water.”

*mouth waters*

To each their own. My curiosity would get the best of me and I’d want to see the records.

Return the cart before you buckle her in?

I started shaving my legs in 5th grade too but it was because the other GIRLS at my day camp were all giving each other shit about our fuzzy legs.

I shaved my arms because of what some kids said, too.

Imagine being the retail worker who had to set that shit up and then clean up the carnage just a few hours later. They should have just thrown it all on the floor and made people dig for their goods.

I know, I feel like I’m taking crazy pills! This is some ugly shit!

The snobby Southern girls who were pissed off about this collaboration are hilarious.

Um, no. I would not be caught dead in these ugly-print monstrosities.

I just checked out the collection on target dot com, and I don’t get it. It’s all tacky-floral old lady resort wear. Who would wear this shit?

Hasn’t Anheuser-Busch been doing this for years?

My 16-year-old sister looks a little bit older so she occasionally gets hit on by boys in their early 20s. At one point, this one sorry fellow tried to convince her that “age is just a number,” to which she quickly retorted, “a prison cell is just a room.”

I just remembered a great one! Last month, my friend - who is the chillest, least confrontational, most mild-mannered person in the whole world - was visiting Israel and he ran into some German lady who was like, “Why can’t there just be peace?” My friend was all, “Yeah, totally” (my friend and I are both Jewish but…

Waiting at the airport for a flight. There’s a line of about 10 people at the counter that were delayed from an earlier flight. Some dude pushes past the line and screams at the desk agent that, “(He) has to be on this flight! And it has to be first class!” Agent tells him that she can help him but he need to wait in…

“Clothing with names is the #1 thing that leads to kidnapping”

I hope they can rinse all that santorum off of it.