Yup. It’s pretty much another example of “if you’re rich enough, we’ll give you whatever you want, for free! Rich people shouldn’t have to pay, paying is for the poors.” Granted, an honorary degree isn’t an actual degree- they don’t get a free education, just a fancy-looking embossed sheet of paper, and the right to…

To be fair, on the sliding scale of awful things that can happen to you because you went to New Jersey, he still got off pretty light.

My parent’s dog, a pit bull-chocolate lab mix, once managed to open my school backpack (without damaging it at all, somehow) and drag out a pack of oreos that I’d been planning to take to school with me the next day, and devoured the entire pack, including an impressive amount of the plastic. She was also large enough…

A large and well-organized conspiracy of people dedicated to always taking the parking spot they were about to pull into.

Because Nope nope nope nope nope, and to the right.

I’ve always noticed that most of what Aldi sells is comparatively pretty healthy- like, you could go to your local super-walmart or grocery store and search every brand and variety of ranch dressing, and finally find one that doesn’t contain high-fructose corn syrup (o/t, but OH GOD WHY DO THESE ASSHATS THINK RANCH…

Stay away from the ‘super weight-loss diet supplement’ tea, or any ‘green tea extract pills,’ and buy it from a grocery store, not from a sketchy website that touts it as an ‘ancient chinese miracle cure.’ You’ll be fine. Tea is healthy, it’s all the nonsense these weight loss quacks put in their special diet tea that…

Orgainic, too!

There’s a certain segment of the population with the ability to completely swallow any hint of morality or introspection once they’ve found a way to turn a profit off of being inhumanly evil. You can often find them running successful corporations, starring in TLC shows, or being the kind of lawyers that inspire…

HORRIFIED. I AM HORRIFIED BY THIS REALIZAION.

It’s a degenerative sort of thing. Stage I is when you first start to comment. Moving into a basement is stage II. As you get to stage III, your neckbeard will start to grow in and you’ll develop a terrible thirst for mountain dew. At stage IV, you’ll begin collecting fedoras, and decide which My Little Pony will be…

Sometimes I think “I should quit my job and go into PR. It sounds so easy! Anyone with above-the-10th-percentile common sense can say “We’ll take your suggestions into consideration in the future. Thank you for being a loyal customer” on the fucking facebook page. And then I remember, the real money in PR is probably…

Good for your wife. The reason why they do this shit is because “if some little girl can’t find the Starfire (or Gamora, or Scarlet Witch, or Wonder Woman, or Furiosa, or.......) costume she wants, she’ll just buy an Elsa costume from us instead. We don’t want to compete against our own line of princess costumes!”

No, quadruple entendre is something different altogether.

No, you’re a peach.

My question is: does it have a huge, shiny, tacky-as-fuck D&G logo on it somewhere so that everyone who sees you will immediately know that you’re the type of person who would spend $3000 on a shitty-ass purse that would end up in the dumpster behind the local goodwill if someone donated it? Can I use it to show off…

I’m gonna go with ‘didn’t think he would get in any serious trouble for it even if someone did notice,’ which... he’s not entirely wrong. He got a little bit more than a slap on the wrist, but he was definitely one of the unlucky ones to even get that much.

You’re misunderstanding what guys like this want out of sex. They expect their wife to lay down and ‘think of England’ while the man has sex at them. They might not readily admit it, but anything more than that terrifies them senseless.

“uttering of forged documents”

“Countdown clocks” are a thing. They’re sold in most stores under the name “Kitchen Timer.” Even if the kid had built a countdown timer of some sort, who in their right mind would immediately assume he was going to use it to detonate a bomb, instead of using it to determine when the brownies should come out of the…