I don’t think YOU make sense.

I went on a road trip with a friend I hadn’t seen in years, and he lied like this the entire time. It was so eerie. I mean, I remembered him as someone you couldn’t really believe, but I didn’t remember it being this weird. So after the trip I looked up pathological liar.

Can you imagine the imaginary conversation that would need to occur for Trump to obtain this info?

Hey! Your classism is showing.

Oh, just be honest. You went to the dress shops last Saturday but they were all sold out.

There’s a book called Eyes and Brain. It explains that all our sight is abstractions based on our other senses. Without touch, there is no sight. Which is why we are so good at understanding cartoons and drawings and outlines — our brain fills in all the details for us. It’s also why we’re susceptible to optical…

Hahaha my mom couldn’t stand that Marlena possessed phase. But at Christmas it took her about 15 minutes to explain to me why the actress who plays Marlena is also playing a homeless woman in jail. I’m still not sure I understand it.

WHAT? MY MOTHER HAS BEEN WATCHING THAT SHOW SINCE EPISODE ONE. SHE’S 87 YEARS OLD! IF DAYS GOES SHE’LL HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR.

This is an incredibly thoughtful comment. If you’re not already writing for larger audiences, please start doing so. The world needs your voice.

I mean, can we at least tell NBC it’s unethical for them to hire a racist?

Not in my mom’s house. Not in any of my aunts’ and uncles’ houses. There are old, white, and even male people who are way too ethical and smart for that junk.

Once, in Paris, a museum guard referred to me as “a British woman.” I’m Californian, damn it! How dare he assume my terrible French accent was British!

I met the Pine-Sol lady once! She is so cool! I told her that there is something really compelling about the way she pronounces Pine-Sol. Seriously, I always had to drop everything and watch her commercials just because of that. It was weirdly satisfying and mysterious.

I don’t understand what happened. It sounds like the employees were trying to figure out who had already gotten their orders? And one of them said “He already got his”?

Fuck NBC for hiring someone who argues that Santa should be white. Megyn Kelly needs the forgiveness of Jesus before she’s treated like a respectable.

That white middle-age man “protecting” the cop and acting like all this is normal is everything that’s wrong with America.

That’s brilliant!

Not all black people are Africans and not all Africans are black

I’ve tried mustard ground in those newfangled Belgian windmills and it tastes terrible. Lesson learned.

Pride. This is the most legitimate, creative joy-affirming use of VIP Rouge I’ve read here for real. They should name a product line after you.