My first thought:

Shut up, Byron.

It’s none of my business who he sleeps with. Although I bet Matthew Broderick is pretty upset.

Via Jason, here’s Brewers minor leaguer Brett Phillips with a unique laugh:

*Rick. Facts are optional, obviously.

I believe the word you’re looking for is “soirée”

+0 actual pullups completed

“Hey, that’s awesome! Congr...”

First off, ALL FEMALES CHEAT. That’s a FACT.

To be fair, your overly sensitive (is there any other kind?) feminism makes you attractive to 0% of men and 100% of cis Jezebel readers.

No. She’s still in Kentucky

Well, at least it’s not the worst thing to fall out of a Bengal’s pickup truck.

“Good job, Now clean yourself up.”

Hmm. Maybe I need to talk slowly here.

Well, when it comes to Washington and violence with soccer players, there is always Hope.

For those that are wondering about the threesome: Boras was screwing Harvey and the Mets at the same time.

Jungle Gym Fever

they had all of recorded human history up until about 2003 to get good at it.

The woman recording says the Pats fan is still in the overturned box of filth

Free Agents: We’ll live anywhere they pay us to live.