I’m glad everyone has a video camera with them at all times now. This stuff has always gone on. Now we know about it.

The cop thinks he's a tough guy because he's a cop, but in reality he lacks the skills to manage a 12 year old girl. Bravo Officer Toughguy! Bra-fucking-vo.

In my neck'o the woods, it's actually bananas, PB, AND mayo. See, it really can get worse.

I *love* both bananas and mayo, and this picture made me retch

fuckin nascar drivers

No lie, I gagged when I saw that sandwich.

That is the Whitest sandwich I have ever seen. Both literally and figuratively.

They just don’t understand us, do they? We really can’t just leave it. It would be wrong and rude.

98% of the time this store is fine and dandy and I take the cart to the middle corral or if it is raining I take it to the carport corral. If I am buying myself more time away from Big Foot I will take that cart right back into the store. (Hey, it’s a very small town. We have zip to do to kill off 20 or 30 minutes-…

my bf gets really upset watching people abandon their carts in the parking lot. He’s never even worked for a grocery store. I think it offends his sense of morality. I have spent more time than I ever anticipated rolling other peoples misplaced grocery carts back into their corrals thanks to this quirk.

I have perfected the stink-eye that I give people when I put their carts away. It’s beautiful to behold.

Ugh the poor would stop being poor if they would just quit worrying so much about money and instead spent their time reflecting on life and improving themselves. DUH.

I agree with so many things said in today’s tweets, but particularly Andy Richter’s. I am stickler about those carts too.

Her first answer in the whole thread is amazing. When asked what element of natural parenting is worst she said this:

There were 2 reasons I chose our pediatrician, and it was based on negative Yelp reviews.

I hate Caillou; I’ve always hated Caillou. It’s a glacially-paced show that avoids plot development like the plague, so all you get is a whiny kid with a whiny voice whining all the time. I mean, they intentionally focus on all the most impossibly boring things in life. It’s torturous!

Getting waterboarded by Donald Trump while being simultaneously sodomized by Rush Limbaugh isn’t as bad as Caillou. WHY THE FUCK DOESN’T HE HAVE HAIR??

Nothing is as bad as Calliou. It’s no doubt aimed for younger kids (my four year old doesn’t even really like it anymore) but it at least has less yelling and Daniel doesn’t whine like Calliou. Calliou is what you show kids to raise them to be sociopaths.

I’m sorry LuluLemon, did you think you were irreplaceable?

Um. Literally everyone makes yoga pants and most do a better job than lululemon so get over yourself lulu!