When he returns home the Tongan crowds will shwarma the plane.

Enough with the puns. This guy’s tzatziking Olympic glory.

You should falafel about this.

I’m sure it’ll help with chapped nipples if he goes shirtless again.

Why isn’t there an 80's film style sports montage of him accompanying this story?

It was close, he hummos didn’t quality for the Olympics.

If Pita can grab a medal, he will surely go down as a national gyro.

Yep!

Cue wistful posts by women, wondering where all the “real men” went.

Hey everybody, remember when MTV showed music videos, as opposed to being America’s go-to source of peer-reviewed, scientific studies?

Nice sandals.

This one makes me yuk, and I wouldn’t be surprised if this is something Trump would do:

Mwwahahaaa. I had exactly that same joke running thru my head as “All-Time Favorite.” It is a perfect joke.

It may be stated axiomatically that: a person’s favorite joke is the key to that person’s character

By that reasoning, a slender, small woman can also be considered a threat. So can we agree that both Ansari and Grace posed physical threats to each other if each were so inclined?

With the capabilities we have in this day and age, the longer you look at it the dumber it seems.

Penis size?

Stop making everything about Star Trek!

Explain to me how he coerced her. He has no power over her. He’s not in a position of authority over her. If his fame gave him power over her, that was her choice. Ansari is probably no more than 140 lbs soaking wet, so he’s not even a physical threat to her. She engaged in sexual activity with him. He never had…

I hate to be the one to break this to you, but...Time? Sequence? Cause? Effect? Reason? These are all illusions, man. You need to free your mind.