Oh god, I had totally forgotten about the Jack Chop.

I was thinking the other day that I should market a “Totally Unsafe Pumpkin Carving Kit” complete with serrated knife, drill, chainsaw, machete, jack-o-hammer™, and blowtorch (user assumes that there will be risk).

“...I have to wonder why bacon isn’t mentioned.”

If fish is an acceptable addition, then I have to wonder why bacon isn’t mentioned.

I think people are talking about pushing the pedestrian crosswalk button for the crosswalk running parallel to their lane of traffic.

Everyone knows you need to cut it at exactly 74.201938 degrees on a left hand bias to get that flavor. I mean, next you're going to tell me that you don't know how to make carrots taste like chocolate.

If I could cut celery to make it taste like bacon I’d be a billionaire.