More people need to learn about dark lagers! Good River Beer’s black lager, Gunny, is an excellent example of what they can bring to the table.

It’s cute when people insist on using Celsius even when the vast range of temperatures it represents between 0 and 100 (compared to the relatively narrow range of temperatures at which food or drink is served) make it extremely inconvenient.

It was great, but I felt bad for her dad—no father should ever have to hear his daughter relay a story about her mother being afraid of his dick to a thousand strangers.

They’re just using that song because a big plot point in the script revolves around Shazam figuring out which Spice Girl he wants to impregnate.

“It’s okay, this letter will be much better received, I discovered this cool new font called Papyrus.”

Maybe he’s so much like mayo that eating it technically counts as auto-cannibalism.

Technically, bleu cheese IS food that’s gone bad. Still fucking delicious, though.

Netflix recently announced that it was raising $2 billion from venture capital funds so that it could make new creative content. Their content is not paid for; they are asking investors to raise the funds to pay for it:

Crying child: “Don’t do it, Daddy!”

Von Miller actually did spill his drink while sitting courtside at a Nuggets-Clippers game. They had to stop play for a few minutes to towel it up. It was pretty funny, so I think you’re trying to solve a problem that doesn’t exist.

What a savvy veteran move, getting his shit blocked like that.

You missed the point that Lakers fans are MAD, and they WANT TO WIN, and they want you to GIVE THEM THE STARS, ALL THE STARS, WE’RE THE LAKERS, WE GET STARS AND YOU DON’T, and if you don’t give the Lakers all the good stars so they can win you are a cheater.

Finding the Right Spot: The RubMaps Story

There was no major traffic on the roads where they were being transported, so it gets bumped down to a lesser charge.

I’ve been to at least two Nuggets games this season where the youth teams got to play during halftime. I think the longer format actually improves it—you see the kids start to loosen up, a few of them inevitably realize that this is a great opportunity to literally shoot their shot, and try heaving up a three-pointer…

Wow, today I learned that we drive on the right side of the road as a preventative measure against drive-by decapitations. History is great!

Put me in the Bastille for treason and they had to commit me
You told them all I was royalty
They gave me a mask, now I am in-cog-ni-to damn you

He can’t even afford a plate? That’s terrible.

Says it all:

Sounds like SOMEone got served...by the Olympics. Also by the steady, implacable progression of time, but you’re hardly alone there.