It’s true. I’m a duck and this is exactly what happens.

“Anyone who I catch slacking off around here will be sentenced with 15 minutes with THIS piece a’ shit!”

Imagine how far western society would get if they actually taught porn in school during sex ed class. That’s to say, what’s healthy and safe and what’s not. How it’s ok to identify with kink but not to make that someone’s identity in total.

“teaches girls they are to be used and teaches boys to be users.”

1.) [shooting self in the head gesture]

Lol no; NONE of the GWOT or Iraq or Afghanistan generals (all now mysteriously MBAs or Carlisle board members) have done shit for America. Fuck them and their worthless ‘service’.

Oh?

True enough. When I compare the sights of Guardians of the Galaxy 2 with “the inside of my blacked-out SCBA facepiece, dark as a deacon’s hat but for the tiny air-indicator light below my right eye” it is, as best, a tossup.

More boring than missionary?

Apropos: There’s a junked, gutted cineplex near where I live that we use for search-and-rescue training in the fire department. Tear out the drywall, put on your air mask and blindfold yourself to simulate ‘zero visibility’ conditions and it makes for a pretty nightmarish experience. We do things like “find the…

Yep. Should just have skee-ball machines that dispense venison jerky instead of paper tickets.

It’s so, so sad: All those hard working government employees, forced to play the shittiest arcade games ever made.

Yes. I watch enough ‘human fail’-style videos to recognize what you’re referring to. More broadly: “Anticipate the recoil.” Like, “However tightly you are holding that gun, hold it a little tighter than that.”

You mean the comment in which you embedded your own tweet? One of just 11 tweets you’ve EVER apparently made?

Mmm, good. Precisely ranking groups of people on scales of oppression. That’s worked out so well for us in the past.

All the jokes I want to make about this are actually today’s news.

Who should they be marketed for? Answer the question.

The book of The Island of Dr Moreau is really good.

then I don’t care

Oh man, you were a backer weren’t you? Geeze, I’m sorry. How much of a position did you take? Your kids whole college fund, huh? Ouch.