Go and die, alt right.

Shut the fuck up. No, seriously: You take your stupid semantic shit and shove it up your PC ass. Do it. Now. Replies to this will be Dismissed.

The actual ex-military people I’ve met in my life are intensely normal. NONE of them have any Outstanding Issues or nurture any type of Jason Bourne complex regarding their supposed killing abilities.

A previous version of this story incorrectly identified a semi-automatic weapon as an “automatic assault rifle.” It has been corrected above and we regret the error.

I choose to believe that the Poe spice runner thing means this takes place in the same universe as Dune and the Emperor is ALSO the Padishah Emperor. No it doesn’t make sense, I just insist that it’s the case in order to annoy nerds.

Nah: 10 hour loops of jellyfish and wafting seaweed, that’s where it’s at . . .

I came out of the theater feeling like I’d overeaten. And not overeaten really good food either. It was like I’d had five corn dogs and a giant wad of cotton candy. Just, like, “I am filled with junk.” 

Those are called ‘cargo pants’.

Eh. There’s such a thing as a film too bad for Rifftrax to make fun/funny.

When you have to labor this hard to imagine a better film AND better precursor films, then there’s something wrong with ALL of the films that can never be fixed.

Where’s that “Why not both?” girl gif when I need it . . .

I drive an ambulance. For free. But sure, you tell me anything you want about sacrificing a little bit for everyone.

Just buy one that actually works for $35 on Amazon. Pretty much every nursing student in America buys one of these things. Runs off 2 AAA batteries. Also gives you a pretty good pulse rate.

Yep. If you are an adult not wheezing for breath or turning pink from hydrogen cyanide or carbon monoxide inhalation, then right now I will tell you: you have an SPO2 of between 95 and 99%.

Oh for fuck’s sake: Are you a healthy adult who isn’t currently wheezing for breath and/or in a room filling with gas or carbon monoxide? Fine: Your SPO2 is between 95% and 99%.

*looks it up*

Yes. It’s like people on oxygen long-term; normally you breathe because your body detects rising CO2 in the blood. ‘Carboxic drive’ I think it’s called. But long term ventilation and/or oxygen (and usually you’re getting both) means your body reverses and goes into ‘oxygen drive’. So then take away the enriched oxygen…

Yep. “Must be assisted to breathe” is never a good sign for future prospects.

“Over 100" seems reassuringly low compared to what I’d imagine on a normal day.

Eating bush meat has now given the world HIV/AIDS and now this. FUCKING STOP EATING WILD ANIMALS.