*Reads article*

“911 can I help you?”

Especially when it comes to the EJ-25, the type of oil is nearly negligible, because it all burns off! Ask my, I would know. An oil change is more like a ‘topping off.’

“No I’m not high or drunk I just want to play more football.”

Oh, I read that as “basic chick”.

Dump the asshole who yanks the cup out of her hand to take credit for the ball. Believe me, he’ll only become more of a controlling asshole, not less.

I like the cut of her jib.

I was looking for a picture of Danny Trejo doing a thumbs-up, but stumbled upon this treasure instead:

That is why you have to go with a full tang on any blade; be it steak knife or machete.

The Bin is mighter than the Sword.

I’ve been using a flip phone since 2002. By investing what I’ve saved over the last 15 years by not buying a new shiny smartphone every year or two, as well as not needing data plans, proprietary chargers, Otter Boxes, in-app Angry Birds purchases, etc and so forth, I’ve been able to purchase a minority interest in an…

Fan behind Loria: What a fucking snake.

That’s a burner. So Miami doesn’t find out about the cities he’s screwing on the side

Counterpoint: A huge number of humans are spiteful, malicious assholes, villainous and murderous. The same can not be said about the rest of the animal kingdom.

That’s not an irrational fear, there are tons of poorly secured loads.

Hope it has a big trunk, because I am going to put my bike in it.

Step-Brothers. Yes, Step-Brothers. When Brennan rocks the house at the Fucking Catalina Wine Mixer and saves the day, and Derek flashes back to their childhood and realizes he’s always been a dick. I tear up every time. Don’t ask me why.

Finding Dory.

I tear up at a lot of stupid movies.