Great, now we need a whole new food pyramid, since mine is clearly out of date...

Just your typical 6-tool player.

For $15,000, I would buy a Ford Crown Victoria Police Interceptor for $3,000 and use the rest of the money to rehabilitate it and then boost it with a supercharger to make it capable of smoking that dinky Mach 1.

“Anything that flies that far oughta have a damn stewardess on it.” -Crash Davis

Are you running it on a Packard Bell from 1994? Five minutes seems rather extreme. Mine takes less than 30 seconds and its 2+ years old hardware (with a SSD). A restart that takes that long is usually caused by a service or app is looking for a network connection and eventually timing out.

Alternatively, have kids, make them do the dishes, and enjoy a cocktail while they work. I find this approach infinitely preferable.

It’s the catchers’ fault. Should have called for their sliders.

This is why I always brought my baseball glove to MLB games as a kid... in the outside chance they ran out of players and tapped a 10 year old Little Leaguer (me) to sub in as pitcher or DH.

The proper counter is to hatchet-throw the bat at the opposing pitcher, kick the catcher backwards, pick up the ball and run from third to first to home to second. This unlocks unlimited-dingers mode.

Once you climb to the summit of Mount Everest, like I have, you realize that everyone makes shit up about their life.

I chose the “embroil yourself in massive student loan debt” method, it’s been moderately effective so far.

Hellman’s. Otherwise, fair.

One other more pleasant thought: Whistleblower lifeguard’s mom Jane sounds like a good tough lady.

Some of my favorite teenage moments were waiting on line for Aerosmith tickets at 8 am on a Saturday morning with old school Blue Army fans who by that time of day were already drunk.

i’m genuinely interested to see the excuses people come up with for this. it seems unfathomable to not share everything with my wife, passwords and all the information they protect included.

Come sit by me. I brought Doritos and an extra pillow.

“The first thing I see is the great wall of kombucha — 42 different kinds of rotten tea. Fun fact: the word kombucha is Japanese for ‘I gizzed in your tea.’ Anyone who’s ever swallowed the glob of mucus at the end of the bottle knows exactly what I’m talking about. I believe this thing is called “The Mother,” which…

Just once I want to see one of these fellows rocket that little biscuit right down the middle and blow everything up. Just once. Is that too much to ask?

This is gonna be the Kinja to watch today.

(Former smoker, could not agree more.)

The airline (and the manufacturer) decided how many seats to put on that plane and how much to charge for them, and came up with a system that packs in the low-paying passengers to make the higher-priced seats more attractive. To maximize profit, the airline sacrificed the happiness of its customers. This is a common…