That tan Nissan was just sitting there on the highway for over an hour? No flares or hazard lights? It’s amazing it took that long for someone to hit it...

Wow,

Me: “How did his guy swim miles out into the ocean? Is he Michael Phelps?”

Another strong COTD contender

Problem solved!

A) You never know if you have recorded a clear shot of the license plate

Increases in pay do not = an increase in effort or quality. Company culture, morale, and a feeling of purpose have much more to do with that.

If he had ‘only’ died, maybe... The owners could’ve done their independent investigation, found it was just a natural thing, and gone on their way. But United decided to burn the body of somebody else’s (apparently valuable) pet before they could ascertain why it died. Guilty or not, now they look guilty, and if…

Another hare raising ordeal for United.

That’s your problem with this?

skimming the beach on their ultra-low takeoffs and landings

And here’s “Before Pie.”

I know hindsight is 20/20, but that seems pretty fucked up to just bail and not try to help the guy. If the car is barely moving in heavy traffic then you should have plenty of time to reach up and pull the parking brake, or put the car in neutral, or turn the damn thing off.

It’s painful watching all of that vertical video

Where was this guy?

Air Force should send him a bill for scrambling those F-22s

Well that blows.

I’ve been curious before, but I also know better than to touch. Plus, it looks like you might be getting ready to break into it or steal it. I feel weird about looking through windows to check if cars are stick or auto.

No, you should keep a remote with a sensor and have a loud alarm that sounds like guns are going off.

No problem. I just called my time guy, and he's credited you with seven new minutes, to be implemented on March 16, 2015. You'll get them at 5:41 pm, and they'll end at 5:48 pm. I added the extra two minutes as my way of apologizing for all the suffering you've undoubtedly been through. Hang in there; we'll get…