I used to work for a giftware company (as a sales rep) that sold this kind of junk to stores all over the province i live in. This post gave me a flashback I did not want today.

Yes! Etsy paid Jezebel $7,000,000 to write this post! And they threw in one of each item! Everything is secretly sponcon! Trust no one!

Good grief.

you don’t know AARP....

I have a feeling the first thing Jennifer Aniston thought when she heard the news that Brad and Angelina had split up was “oh for fuck’s sake, now everyone’s going to badger me for a comment”.

If Brad Pitt wants the public to ignore his divorce he should have Terrence Malick direct it.

“What is this place, 700 square feet? That’s pretty good.”

when there’s a lull in conversation:
Jen: I’m fine!

A mile later you get pulled over for “distracted driving.”

I have property in one of those slums she worked in. It’s the best slum, the wealthiest slum.

Judge Kara, where are you?!

I’m okay with the Jolie thing. My school brought in Spitzer and Petraeus while they were on their rehab tours (wouldn’t be surprised if Weiner is on the list next despite his thing for underage girls) and I just don’t see Julie’s stint as that different. It’s a visiting professor gig, not an actual faculty position.…

He’s horrible in every way. Once you know his background and “start”, you can never like him again. It happened to me.

Why does Tom look like a thirty-something man who still lives at home with his aging billionaire mother?

I’m gonna cross stitch “Here there be assholes” frame it and hang it in my entry hall.

it’s the 2016 version of the here there be dragons warning on the edge of a map.

He tries SO HARD

Trump will show up, so it’s expected.

I’m kind of surprised that they’re still complaining about this ‘ish (and I say this as someone who has enjoyed “accidentally” photobombing more than one street style pic).