uNDerWEAr MAde oF BreATHaBLE FAbriC...

Somebody should wake us up when any part of dude’s story checks out.

My uncle Billy is still under the produce section of a Stop and Shop after a tragic slip and fall.

“Nothing to see here, a young woman just fell over dead in my submarine! Funny when that happens, right? And then I honored her body by feeding her to the sharks like an air burial except in the water. How dare you accuse me of murder!” ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

I’m seeing Tywin Lannister but with mutton chops.

I also support replacing George Washington with Kanye.

A nation mourns.

If you ever wanna have a real good (read: terrible) time, pick a Conservative-leaning Facebook page discussing all this and remind them that Robert E. Lee was a slaveowner and a traitor. You will learn real quick just what kind of history some people in this country have been taught. The way some people tell it, Lee…

If Kal Penn is looking for ways to fill his newly-free time, he can always come over to my house and... talk about supporting the arts while I get him nice glass of wine and turn down the lights and put on soft music and light some candles and *cough*

Holy shit, it is. I thought you were joking, but it’s totally an acrostic. I guess that’s what happens when you get a bunch of arts majors to write a resignation letter.

Trump is just as much a white supremacist as Bannon.

Guess Bannon can devote himself fulltime to his hobbies; drinking himself into an alcoholic stupor and sucking his own cock.

I literally died.

That’s it, I am buying stock right now in popcorn. All the popcorn companies.

“filled with Shrapnel and Guilt” is a fantastic line.

Greyhounds you just need an endless disposable income since they get hurt constantly and require all kinds of special attire. Otherwise they’re hella easy and surprisingly lazy. But woo boy, are they gonna cost you.

So here’s a rule to follow everyone: If someone offends a group of which you are not a part of, it is not up to you to decide when people should get over it or accept the apology.

I’d like to see him have to tend it. Six towers, each 54 feet high - get the kid a box of rags, a ladder and some windex. He can get a close look at the 6 million tiny little numbers, each of which was an actual person who was murdered. Once a month for a year or two is a good start.

Aaron Sorkin should have gone away 15 years ago. Talking fast and ripping off from yourself should have permanently banned him from the entertainment world, but, eh, he’s a white guy so I should expect nothing less.

It’s not super healthy, but I try not to think about it. I have to pretend that they are still roaming around somewhere with Douglass Adams and Jim Henson doing low-key stuff and a fuckton of acid. Thinking about them being gone makes me sob still.