remember: we’re judging from our own lazy-asshole point of view, not from that of someone who actually wants to be an starting QB or whatever.

Just get him to the MLS already. Balotelli and the US are made for each other.

Steelers fans say “pop” instead of “soda,” wipe their butts standing up, and marry their cousins.

Because he is insane. He sees himself as some sort of nail polish genius. I keep picturing him hunched over his bathtub in his underwear stirring the polish like he’s Walter White cooking meth.

“la condition humane” HA. Fuck riiiiiiiight offffffff

Wait wait wait....
There is “decent” modern scripted porn?

I hate all of these

Exactly. An actual company will have materials scientists making the formula, the budget for product testing, and lawyers to make everyone aware of how very, very bad it will be if the product hurts people. A guy fucking around in his basement has none of these things. People can try to get on my ballsack about 5-free…

“I am where Mentality has always come from. I am Mentality. I am an athlete. I am a scholar. I am a musician. I am an artist and a maker. I am also a fighter.”

Stare at that screenshot at the top of the page and try not to smile, I dare you.

Typical mail behavior.

Why are we talking about jokes? Where are my stamps? The real outrage is the state of the postal service in this country. Please quit with the chit-chat and mail my package, OK

Man, is that where I am? I thought this was the post office. I’ve been waiting to mail this goddamn package for like... nine months! This place has TERRIBLE service.

Oh honey, no. We just think they’re dumb and we’re going to have a great, great Tuesday morning making jokes. Thanks for clickin’!

It’s an unforgettable tableau, one that could be titled, “A Portrait of the Early 21st Century American Male Who’d Like You To Know He’s Definitely Touched a Boob Before.”

I am a good Christian man

Anal is the new Black [Guys]

the house doesn’t appear to be affiliated with a fraternity

When did anal become the new “heavy petting over clothes”?