when i had my first breast exam done and the doctor was telling me how to do self-examinations, i asked if i could use a partner. he got a kick out of that.

I... Still do that pretty regularly. But only when drunk, and to my boyfriend. (“You should probably have a glass of water” “your mom should have a glass of water”)

At my first trip to the OB/GYN, I was a little nervous. During the procedure, the doctor was very sympathetic and tells me, “You’re doing really great.” And out of nowhere I reply in my best Southern Debutabte, “I bet you say that to all the girls!”

My 16-year-old sister looks a little bit older so she occasionally gets hit on by boys in their early 20s. At one point, this one sorry fellow tried to convince her that “age is just a number,” to which she quickly retorted, “a prison cell is just a room.”

I just remembered a great one! Last month, my friend - who is the chillest, least confrontational, most mild-mannered person in the whole world - was visiting Israel and he ran into some German lady who was like, “Why can’t there just be peace?” My friend was all, “Yeah, totally” (my friend and I are both Jewish but…

Waiting at the airport for a flight. There’s a line of about 10 people at the counter that were delayed from an earlier flight. Some dude pushes past the line and screams at the desk agent that, “(He) has to be on this flight! And it has to be first class!” Agent tells him that she can help him but he need to wait in…

burns are great but reactions are better

The weirdest MM movie I can recall had Ashley Judd playing her Norma Jean years, then handed the part over to (I think) Mira Sorvino when she got famous and went blonde. They literally had Judd sit down in a beauty parlor chair, started to work on her hair, and voila! Sorvino climbed out of it.

I know MSU is actually a pretty decent baseball program. Just busting balls. And sounds like a cool place to watch a game.

As a Mississippi State alum, I gotta say the experience of the Left Field Lounge almost outweighs the fact that you’re watching college baseball. But hey, the Bulldogs aren’t terrible in baseball.

Cool they're playing this game in Australia.

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This is a Coors Field issue to me- it’s the same environment for both teams. Teams used to slope the baselines fair if they had guys who could bunt for hits (or slope them foul if facing a Vince Coleman type). It’s gamesmanship, yes, but the fundamental condition of the field is even for both teams.

Beware, the night is dark and full of spoilers. Also... Hodor!

My favourite:

I am of the firm belief that one should never see the face of God.

QQ: What would be wrong to masturbating to Britney songs in the shower? Sounds like that would be the best way to do it.

I spent a lot of time jamming to Britney secretly in the shower* over the past decade, so I also hope she gets through all this nonsense. All the ups, all the downs, all the wtfs... I just want there to be a rainbow at the end of this road.

*I spent about 3 minutes trying to decide if that sounded like I was talking…

Legal in NYC since 1992, and they're in NYC.