This kind of makes me want to die a Dodgers fan.

Pictured: What Sarah Palin Thinks Her Orgasms Look Like

I feel like he gave himself a little pep talk there near the end when he jumped back up again before finally getting the cracker "Damnit Douglas, you can do this! You've stolen hundreds of crackers before, this one is no different. Now you go back down there and you get that cracker!"

Unless, of course, he's writing a poem about it while he sits on the tarmac.

Animal House Piranha Pizza Cutter, $9.26 at Amazon.com

use it for everything. chopped salads changed my life. kind of.

is.... is she bragging?

yeah! who's haunted now, beeyotch?!

I made a porno... yadda yadda yadda... I took the train back to D.C.

The fact that she thinks Bret Easton Ellis is brilliant makes me sad.

I am totally skeeved out reading this article.

That's an issue for gawker at large...

So she was empowered by doing two porn scenes. That teen mom girl must be empowered up the ass.

Yes, well, you are very very very uncool.

I hope the porn is better than this snooze of a read.

This was awful. Unfunny, uninteresting, just...awful.

... so what you're saying is you put out on the first date?

Just hope there's some A2M action.